cartier foxtrot: I think I need anger management. Advice?

Monday, December 31, 2012

I think I need anger management. Advice? - luishinton's posterous

The Ladies' Lounge Sharing and support.

Today, 12:12 AM

? #1 (permalink)

Member

Join Date: Oct 2012

Posts: 51

Folks, I've been separated for nearly two months and I'm now working on self-improvement.

One area I identified that I need to work on is managing my anger.

My husband would bring out the monster in me. No, I would never throw things or hurt anyone in the process, but I'd drop a few F-bombs here and there and I'd certainly get LOUD.

Thing is, I generally don't have a temper. Most of my friends, even childhood friends, would be surprised if they were told that I have a temper. But I do.

People who know me too well and know how to push my buttons unleash that ugly side of me. My dad, my mom sometimes, and now my husband. I thought my temper problems were done with. That I was just an angry teen. That I'd overcome it. Apparently not.

Thing is, I'd been to individual counseling for an extended period of time before I got married. So I'm not sure that that's the route to go.

Does anyone recommend any self-help books or techniques to calm me down when I sense getting frustrated to the point of losing my cool?

Thanks in advance<3

Today, 12:16 AM

? #2 (permalink)

Member

Join Date: Jul 2010

Posts: 267

Quote:

Folks, I've been separated for nearly two months and I'm now working on self-improvement.

One area I identified that I need to work on is managing my anger.

My husband would bring out the monster in me. No, I would never throw things or hurt anyone in the process, but I'd drop a few F-bombs here and there and I'd certainly get LOUD.

Thing is, I generally don't have a temper. Most of my friends, even childhood friends, would be surprised if they were told that I have a temper. But I do.

Thing is, I'd been to individual counseling for an extended period of time before I got married. So I'm not sure that that's the route to go.

Does anyone recommend any self-help books or techniques to calm me down when I sense getting frustrated to the point of losing my cool?

Thanks in advance<3

Keep a record. Ask yourself at the end of each day "Did I remain centered today?" If you can answer 100% yes, mark that day a success. See for how many days you can maintain the streak, then aim to make the next streak longer.

__________________
Judge: Sledge Hammer, how do you plead?
Sledge Hammer: I never plead, I usually don't even ask.

Today, 02:40 PM

? #7 (permalink)

Member

Join Date: Dec 2011

Location: At the local coffee shop

Posts: 1,232

Quote:

Coffee Amore, thanks for the link.

I read it, but I also dont understand what the alternative is if you're the one being the food police for example.

My husband's weight got out of control and he continued making really unhealthy food choices even though we had discussed the need for both of us to eat better. I noticed when I stopped commenting, I got resentful as I watched him eat burgers/icecream/ oreos, because he didn't care. What's a better way of relaying frustrations, especially when it seems the other person isn't listening?

We both did this to each other, him with how I spent my money, and me, with how he ate/spent his time.

I don't have a lot of experience in this area to be honest. My husband likes to watch what he eats and he's about 10 pounds more than he was in college. I have a sibling though who could lose a lot of weight. The spouse of that sibling has tried everything from talking to getting their kids to talk about weight loss, but so far nothing has happened. The weight just seems to keep piling. You know that old saying "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink" ? Same thing applies. You can stock the house with healthy foods, model a healthy lifestyle, talk about clean eating and exercising until you're blue in the face, but you can't ever make someone who does not want to change, change. My sibling with the weight problem says it's not a bother and they're ok with it. I don't think so. I think it's just a facade, but there's nothing more any of us can do other than hope there's an epiphany or crisis (nothing too serious) that will snap them out of it.

The other thing you could do, if willing, is to draw a hard boundary. "I love you but your weight is making me lose attraction for you. If this continues..I will (insert consequence that you intend to follow through on, not just threaten)." There have been countless threads in the General Forum as well as the Men's Forum and Sex Forum on that topic alone so do a search.